


Silence is breaking me

by Wickedqueenoftheeast



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anorexia, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27429463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wickedqueenoftheeast/pseuds/Wickedqueenoftheeast
Summary: The weekend before the school year began a party was thrown.Three weeks later, Bill Johnson, the star quarterback of Carlton High terriers is accused of sexual assault.This is the story of Sidney Jameson and Jeremiah Cohen, the only people who know what really happened that night.Will justice be served or will the town go to every legnth possible to protect their golden boy ?
Relationships: Original Male Character/ Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	Silence is breaking me

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this in the works for weeks. it's gonna have a lot of triggering stuff so here's a warning. and I know I haven't finished my other fic but if I don't publish this one then I'm never going to.

** September 30th **

He forces my back against the wall. I feel bile forcing its way up my throat. In and out I repeat to myself as I try to breathe, but I can't. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump.

It's Bill, He looks rabid, something in his eyes scares me. He grabs my collar and pushes me, my head bangs on the wall.

"You better keep your fucking mouth shut" he whispers, his breath smelling like alcohol.

"And if I don't?" I retort.

"Then I will kill you" and that night, looking into his eyes I knew that he would.

Chapter 1

The night before 

“Thanks for coming”

I smile as I repeat these words and shake the hands of every sad and depressed person that leaves the grief counseling meeting.

It has been a fast process, getting everyone to go home after the meeting. None of them want to be here anyway. Soon I am finally alone, of course except for Andrew Colburn.

“What do you want?” I refuse to look at him, so I busy myself by stacking the cheap white plastic chairs that are arranged in a circle.

“You haven’t been answering my calls” at the sound of Andrew's voice my hands start to shake and goosebumps appear on my skin.

I don’t say anything, so Andrew continues talking.

“I’ve left you 23 texts Sid and you’ve answered none of them” I read them though and he knows that.

I don’t stop to look at Andrew, I'm afraid to look into those eyes, eyes that have never failed to ignite something inside me.

“Sid”

“Don’t call me that” I am done now.

All the chairs are stacked on top of each other in five pillars that tower over my small frame.

I finally turn around to face him, but I won't look up instead I wrap my shaking hands around myself.

“I have a boyfriend now and he wouldn’t appreciate you texting me so please stop.” My voice is shaky and little above a whisper, but I am proud of myself for being able to say anything at all.

He starts to walk towards me, but I step back until I feel one of the chair pillars touch my back.

“I’m not here to get back together, Sidney.” Somehow hearing him say that hurts, even though that’s what I want.

I want him to get over me because I’m over him.

“Then what are you here for?!!” I shout, finally looking up. And it was staring into his dark blue eyes that I knew I was never going to be over him.

He ignores my outburst and continues.

“I’m better now, we both know that it was better that I went away for a while, but I’m better now and I want us to be friends”

Now that I look at him, he looks bigger, like he had filled out over the past few months, he has always been tall but now his presence takes up the entire room and I can’t look anywhere but him.

“You hurt me Andy” His face lights up when he hears me use the nickname.

“I know that, and I want to make it right.”

“I’m not sure you can”

“don’t say that” he's standing right in front of me now, so close that I can feel the heat from his body.

“I know I hurt you Sid, but I love you, I never stopped loving you and that’s why I can’t stand not being close to you.”

Against my will, my heart beats faster, faster than it has in a long time.

He presses his palm against my cheek, and I feel my body lean into it.

I hate myself because I let him pull me to his body and I let him kiss the top of my head. I would let him fuck me right here on the floor of the church basement if he asked. But as his lips touched my head my phone rings and I am broken out of his spell. 

I accept the call and press my phone to my ear.

“where you at? I’m outside” the voice is deep and for I second I fear that it is Bill, my boyfriend.

“Sid, you there?” Then I realize that it's Rashad because Bill never calls me Sid, he calls me baby and honey but never Sid.

“yeah,” I squeak out.

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

I take a deep breath and I brush past Andrew, my skin tingling where we touch. I rush out of the basement and up the stairs and I don’t breathe out until I am sitting in the passenger seat of Rashad’s red truck.

“Thanks for picking me up”

“no problem” He flashes me one of his famous smiles and starts the car.

“So how was the meeting?” he asks as he drives out of the church parking lot and onto the highway.

“It was long and boring” I stare at my hands and I start picking at the black nail polish that has already started to come off.

“if you hate it so much why do you go every week?”

I turn in my seat to face him, feeling my stare he gives me a quick glance and I smirk.

“because I enjoy being around people who are as depressed as I am.”

I am wondering if I should tell him about Andrew. Even though they have never met he knows everything that happened between me and Andrew.

“Guess who crashed the meeting today”

“who?” he asks, his eyes never leaving the road.

“Andrew Colburn”

“no fucking way”

I laugh at the way his accent made him sound. Andrew's from south London and every time he cusses his accent is thicker than usual.

“yup”

“what happened?” I explain everything that happened although I leave out the part where he told me he loved me.

“Holy shit. Are you gonna tell Bill?”

“of course not, he’d go absolutely insane” I finally look out the window as we drive up to my street.

“yeah” he pauses as he parks his car in the driveway.

“Jem messaged me today.” For a second I have to process his words and then an image comes up in my mind.

“Jem as in Jeremiah Cohen?”

“mhm”

“as in i-go-to-the-Hamptons-every-summer Jem”

“yup”

“Jem, the richest kid in the pacific northwest, messaged you?”

“he’s not as bad as everyone says though, and he seems pretty nice.”

I scoff in disbelief.

“he will chew up your heart, spit it out and walk all over it in platform heels.”

His head tips back in laughter.

“I’m serious, he will fuck you up”

“ok ok, I’ll be careful.”

I get down from the car and close the door of the passenger seat behind me.

“Stay safe and I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say waving at him.

He doesn't wave back, instead his grip on the wheel tightens. 

"Rashad, you're coming to Bill's party tomorrow right?" 

"Sid, you know how I feel about him"

Rashad and Bill have this weird alpa male thing going on where they can't be in the same room for too long or they'll start a fight. 

I roll my eyes. 

"come on I already made him promise to be good." I lie.

He looks at me like he can't believe I tried to lie to his face, but that smile is still there. 

"please." I pout my lips. 

He regards me for a minute, but I already know he's going to say yes. 

"alright" he groans. 

"i'll see you at seven!! you know his address right?" 

He nods his head and drives off.

I watch his truck fade in the distance before I decide to go into my house.

**Jem**

I glance at my iPhone for the umpteenth time that day. He hasn’t replied although the words at the bottom of the text bubble say ‘read 12:35 pm’ I stare at the words that filled the blue bubble.

“Wanna come over and see Sadie?”

Fuck. I mentally scold myself. How on earth would he say yes. Obviously, he’s heard the rumors and he wants nothing to do with me.

But if he doesn’t like me why did he help me out that day?

“ughhh!!” I groan loudly. I fall backward on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I cover my face with my palms blocking out the light of my room.

I squeeze my hands into a fist and feel sick at the pockets of fat that I feel.

I need to go on a run.

I get off my bed and push all thoughts of Rashad Johnson to the back of my mind. It is a warm fall evening so I wear only a t-shirt and my favorite black yoga pants. I put on my running shoes grab my phone and make my way downstairs.

“I’m going on a run Rosa” I speed through the kitchen and right past Rosa the cook before she could ask me if I had eaten today.

I hate lying to Rosa.

I put in my AirPods and turn my music up to the highest volume and then I jog right past the compound gates and onto the small sliver of a road that connected us to the rest of the town.

I breathe in the fresh forest air. I love being surrounded by trees, there is always room to breathe, to exist.

That’s probably why I never go into the town.

I let my thoughts wander and keep my legs moving until it hurts to breathe and the sky darkens.

It's then that I notice a red pick-up truck driving up the road. It stops next to me and my heart skips a beat.

“what are you doing outside at this time Jem?” The driver raises a thick dark eyebrow and I feel my legs turn to jelly.

I smirk and go over to lean into his car through his open window.

“I could ask you the same thing, Mr. Johnson.”

He tips his head back in a throaty laugh. At that moment I feel giddy and high. I want to hear him laugh again and again.

“I was in the area and I saw your text, figured I’d stop by.”

He is still smiling that devilish grin that makes heads turn.

“I can leave if you want me to”

I didn’t though and he knows that.

I roll my eyes and walk around the truck to the passenger seat, he stretches over and pushes the door open.

I climb in and I am especially grateful that I put on deodorant that morning.

“so how’s Sadie?”

I risk a glance at him, his gorgeous profile, golden in the sunlight. His regal nose and perfect skin taunt me, I’m suddenly insecure about my crooked nose and pockmarked skin.

“she’s getting bigger everyday” I answer with confidence that’s quickly leaving me.

He drives past the gates of my father's million-dollar estate.

“your parents home?” he asks innocently putting the car in the park beside the cupid sculpture fountain that sits smack dab in the middle of the driveway.

I lift an eyebrow. “what do you think?”

He chuckles.

“I’ll take that as a no”

I give a taunting smirk and slip out of the passenger seat. I walk along the path towards the front doors acutely aware of the way my ass looks in my skin-tight pants.

“you coming?” I shout. My request is followed by the sound of Rashad scrambling to get out of his truck.

A genuine smile slips onto my face.

I hold the door open for him.

“my lady,” I remark.

He laughs. A sincere laugh, his brown eyes forming squints and his dark cheeks swelling.

I think that’s why I like him so much. Everything he does, everything he says is always so genuine. I never have to worry that he has some ulterior motive.

“Woah” he exclaims and I’m brought out of my revelry.

“your house is huge!!”

Now that I’m seeing my home through his eyes and I’m filled with shame and embarrassment.

The golden coffee table, the massive fireplace, and the huge family portrait, diamond chandelier, everything seems so excessive, so shallow.

I wanna scream ‘this isn’t me!! I’m more than this!’

“come on I wanna shower” I don’t mean for it to come out as sharp but it does.

His eyebrows draw together in confusion but I ignore it and start walking towards my bedroom on the second floor.

When we get close I grab his hand and drag him into my room. It’s one of the few things I’m proud of, I've carefully decorated it to show all the best parts of my personality. My walls are decorated with posters and polaroids that tease the senses, don't you wanna know where this is? do you get this obscure reference? any idea who this Arabian supermodel is? The only messy part is my dresser that’s covered in makeup brushes and powders.

“wait here” I push him unto my bed.

I’m in my ensuite bathroom before my confidence is completely gone.

I let myself finally relax and take several deep breaths.

I have no idea what I’m doing. Do I want to sleep with him? Do I want to flirt with him? Does he even like me? Is he this nice to everyone? The last one makes me pause. What if I’m the one seeing a connection where there isn’t one?

No, I can't keep thinking about that. Not right now.

I rip off my shirt and pull down my leggings but before I get into the shower I step on my scale.

145 lbs blink back at me.

I have lost 0.6 pounds from yesterday. It’s enough to make me euphoric. I get into the shower and I make sure to use my strongest body wash and best shampoo. I’m done in ten minutes.

I wrap my body in a bathrobe tying it loosely.

He’s sitting on the corner of my bed where I left him, on his phone.

“you can relax you know?” I smile.

He chuckles.

“you certainly took you time” he replies but he doesn’t look up from his screen.

“who’re you texting?” I ask irked that he’s not paying attention to me.

“Sid”

My eye twitches.

_Sidney._

“oh”

He looks up at that.

“what’s wrong-“ he chokes at the sight of me. Hair wet and dripping, robe falling down a shoulder, skin glistening.

Blood rushes to my bottom.

That’s right, focus on me.

“nothing” I whisper sultrily.

he doesn’t blink and his mouth opens a bit.

I turn around when my lips threaten to turn into a grin.

“you’re gonna have to close your eyes for a bit,” I announce.

I don’t hear a reply.

“Rashad?” I glance at him.

“oh sorry, my bad Uhm yeah, sure eyes closed.”

My smile gets bigger.

“no peeking” I instruct.

“no peeking”

I pull the robe apart and let it fall to the floor.

I grab an oversized t-shirt and panties from my chest of drawers.

I slip them both on in seconds.

I turn and sure enough, he sits their eyes closed. I move closer.

Slowly but surely I place one leg on each side of him and slide into his lap.

His eyes shoot open.

Please don’t push me off, please don’t reject me. I beg in my brain.

I wrap my hands around his neck.

His eyes bore into me. Like he can see through me, all my confidence melts away.

“Jem” he starts.

I take his hands and place them on my hips. When his fingers brush against the lace of my panties he gulps visibly.

“J-“

I place my finger against his plump dark lips.

“shhh it’s okay” I let my fingers explore his perfect face.

his eyes flutter closed.

I’m leaning in for a kiss when he pushes me off his lap.

Surprised and in shock, I fall on the rug covered floor.

His mouth opens and closes like a fish,like he can’t believe what he’s done.

Shock and remorse cross his face all while I sit there my chest squeezing my heart so hard it hurts.

He gets up and hurries out of the room at record speed.

I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces.

That night

_Sid_

I get to his house thirty minutes before the party is due to start. When I get there I'm greeted by the sight of him lounging by the pool, torso bare, eyes closed. 

I go to were he sits and lean over him. My shadow falls over his toned muscled body and he opens an eye. 

"don't you have a party to host?" I tease.

"you're late."

There's a frown on his face but I can see the smile in his eyes. 

"something came up." I answer vaguely. 

Worry flashes in his eyes.

"everything okay?" 

Everything is in fact, not okay but I’m not in the mood to talk about my problems. Instead I just smile.

He takes the hint and changes the subject.

“come on lets go see how the planners are doing.”

He gets off the lounge chair and we walk in step through the back door and into his house.

Past the threshold, there’s a flurry of movement. No less than five people are rushing around setting out drinks, cups and taking all the valuables down to the basement.

Mrs. Johnson rushes towards us.

“your father and I are leaving in five minutes. Make sure no one goes down to the basement. Here, in case of an emergency” she hands Bill a wad of hundred dollar bills.

She leans up and plants a kiss on his cheek.

She’s turning to leave when she catches sight of me. Her eyes gloss over.

“oh hi!!” she waves at me briefly but turns and walks out the front door. She doesn’t remember my name even though this is the third time we’re meeting.

I can’t exactly blame her though, she can’t be expected to memorize the names of all of her son’s partners, especially when he gets a new one every month.

It still hurts though.

“honey let’s go!!” Mr Johnson yells, speeding down the stairs.

Mr Johnson is a powerfully built man with broad shoulders and kind eyes that he passed unto his son.

He barrels through the crowd of party planners with a chorus of sorrys and excuse me’s before stopping in front of us.

He pats Bill on the shoulder.

“we’ll be back in three days. Take care.”

He slaps Bill’s back strongly.

“Sidney!! How you doing!!”

His smile is wide and bright, almost blinding.

“I’m doing good sir” I force my cheeks into a smile.

“he treating you right?” he punches Bill in the arm softly.

“ow dad!!”

I let out a chuckle.

“George!!” Mrs. Johnson yells from the patio.

“im coming!!” he waves and leaves.

“William!! Put on a shirt!!”

“yes mom!!” Bill rolls his eyes.

The johnsons are a yelling family. If you don’t speak up in this house you won’t be heard at all.

“hey wanna help me pick a shirt?” Bill is smilling at me with that devilish smirk of his, his blue eyes and blonde hair making him look ethereal.

I nod.

He takes my hand and folds his fingers between mine.

The stairs are tiled with marble and my mind is so preoccupied that I slip. I’m falling for second when I feel strong arms wrap around my waist.

“careful” he whispers into my hair.

“so this one or this one?” bill asks holding up two shirts on hangers.

“that one” I point at a navy blue cotton long sleaved sweatshirt.

I check the time while he throws the rejected shirt into his closet.

“party starts in five minutes.” I advice.

“almost done babe”

He comes out of the walk in closet, his three hundred dollar cologne wafting in the air like a cloud.

I wave my hand in the air to dispel the smell.

“so…Rashad’s coming?” he drags.

I climb off the bed and hug him round his middle.

“yes. He promised.”

He groans loudly.

“hey, play nice okay”

He leans down and cups my face.

“okay baby” he leans in and kisses me.

His mouth is soft and warm, his tongue forces its way past my lips. I force myself to stay still and compliant.

You like this I remind myself.

Finally, he pulls away.

I hear shouting from downstairs.

“alright I think the boys are here. See you around?”

I nod trying not to think about the saliva that’s not mine in my mouth.

He smiles and leaves me standing there. Alone.

I can barely hear myself think over the loud rap music that is blaring through the speakers, shaking the ground beneath my feet.

Bodies are grinding together and the air is hot and stale. I hear someone throw up but I can’t be distracted right now. I’m on a mission, I’m looking for someone.

“hey David!” I call out to a stout brunette from my chem class.

“yo Sidney how’s it going!” he makes his way through the crowd to were im standing in the kitchen.

“you didn’t happen to see Rashad did you?”

“Rashad? can’t say I have”

He must see the worry in my face.

“why? You looking for him? Pretty sure he’d be easy to find.”

I’m already tuning him out as he speaks. The party’s been going strong for three hours where could he be?

“I mean six four black guy, shouldn’t be hard to find him.”

“thanks for the help” I send him on his way with a strained smile.

No way did Rashad ghosted me. Not when I begged him to come.

I grab a bottle of vodka from the hand of a drunk girl whose so preoccupied giggling amongst her friends that she doesn’t notice.

I twist off the cap and chug. It burns all the way down but it distracts me from the monsters in my head and the heaviness in my heart.

I’m trying to get upstairs when I bump into two people sucking each others faces off and climbing downstairs simultaneaously.

“Sidney??” a voice comes. I turn to face the owner.

“Jem” I reply.

Jeremiah Cohen is wrapped around Jaden Chang like a koala his makeup is smudged all over his face and the strap of his shirt is falling down his shoulder yet he looks gorgeous.

I feel the vodka taking effect.

Looking at this rich, pretty popular boy that texted Rashad merely twelve hours ago, makes me angry. Then thinking about Rashad makes me even more angry. He’s supposed to be my best friend, he’s supposed to be here for me.

I go to Bill’s room and sprawl out on the bed. I take some more gulps of vodka.

My eyes are closing when I hear someone lock the door.

“Bill?” I ask. My head is cloudy and I can barely form a cohesive thought not to talk of a sentence.

“hey baby” it’s Bill, I recognize that ‘baby’ anywhere. Sometimes I think that he doesn’t even know my name, god knows he never uses it.

I feel his weight settle on the bed beside me. He doesn’t say anything and I’m too out of it to engage in stimulating conversation.

I’m falling back asleep when I feel his hand sneaking up my t shirt.

I swat it away.

Five seconds later it’s back.

“stop it” I move to swat it away but this time he grabs my wrist.

“shhhh” he whispers.

I feel his cold fingers on the curve of my waist.

I squirm underneath him.

“Bill stop.”

His must be the last straw because that’s when he slaps me across the cheek. The alcohol numbs the pain so that all I’m left with is shock.

He pulls my wrists together in one hand. Forcing it above my head.

“I don’t want to” I beg.

He rips my pants down with one hand.

I scream as loud as I possibly can but all that gets me is another slap. He’s to strong to push off. I can’t breathe.

That’s when I think, Rashad. He’ll come for me. It’s probably the vodka thinking but any second now he’s going to bust through that door and beat Bill to a pulp.

Blinding pain cripples my body through the cloud of acohol. My mouth opens in a silent scream as the man above me enters me.


End file.
